Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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