I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
