I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
