You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
