That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
the liver wants what the liver wants
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
