I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
