So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
