so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
