I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I said "one day" and that day is not today
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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