this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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