Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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