Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
