I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
