Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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