You can't motorboat a personality
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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