We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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