my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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