Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
