woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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