i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
