One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
