Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
