My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
