I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
