Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
