i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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