you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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