The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
