my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
