I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
