So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
