If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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