i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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