Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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