when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
