she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
