hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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