My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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