I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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