just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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