well most of my day revolves around power hour
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
