U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
