I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
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I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
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Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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