Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
