He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
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I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I pour the whiskey from now on
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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