So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
