Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
