Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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