Rock
Scissors
Fuck
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
