i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
