Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
