I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
