Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
