So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
