My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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