I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize