Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize