took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
