How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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