3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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