I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he thought i was a dude.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
