really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
