I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
