I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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