I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
