I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
