Cold hands, warm shart.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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