She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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