We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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