hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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